It's My Birthday
Today I turn 32 years old, and I can tell you I love being in my thirties. I am finally to the point in life where I just don't give a damn about the crap... and I am enjoying myself immensely. So watch out world...
Elevator Encounter
I am standing in the elevator when an older Asian man steps on and begins to look me up and down.
OAM- You buy jeans like that? (Pointing to the whole on my knee).
Me- Yes I did.
OAM- You pay lot money for that?
Me- Um... yeah, no, maybe... Ahh yes I did.
OAM- That funny. (Giggling as he walks off elevator).
What I should have said- Have you seen how good my ass looks in these? I would have paid double.
your lips taste like passion fruit
It was really an innocent purchase, some flavored body paint. In the parking lot of the mall, during the middle of summer before work, C and I decide it would be fun to test out the paint... tasting the "Passionate Tropical Flavors". It didn't take long before we realized the paint wasn't coming off of our faces/necks... it was staining.
This is when the woman in the car next to us leans in our car window and informs us that Vaseline will get the stains off. We smile and thank her for the information, driving away as fast as we can. Laughing hysterically at our predicament... and the fact that we didn't notice the woman watching our every move.
We attempted to remove the stains on our faces/necks for hours with Vaseline, cold cream... you name it. It didn't work. We went to work with stained faces and lots of questions from curious co-workers. But we never said a word.
I did what?
Ever do or say something that you flash back to for days... and all you want to do is curl up and die because of just how stupid it was? Then finally you reach the point where you are still flashing back, but you just smile and say fuck it who cares... yeah well I have. That pretty much explains my life.
Got to love first dates, especially at the awkward age of 16
While sharing a banana split with my new boyfriend, he bumped the cherry off of the top... it rolled off onto the table, into my lap, and to it's final resting position on the floor. I then say load enough for half of the planet to hear... "Oh my god, what did you do to my cherry?" Not really how I meant for it to come out, but at least everyone in the restaurant had a good laugh.
3 week evolution of roadside trash
Three weeks ago someone dumped numerous household items on the side of the road. Everyday I drive by this gigantic heap of crap consisting of a futon with cover, futon frame, lamp, and a couple boxes full stuff.
Each day I turn the corner to find the pile migrating down the road... moving a few feet and spreading out a bit more. Then I noticed that one of the boxes disappeared. My next trip by, the lamp seemed to be missing.
After about a week and a half everything was gone but the futon and frame... and they had moved an entire block. Finally, three weeks later all that is left is a lone stained futon that is coverless, two blocks from it's original resting place... and in the middle the intersection.
Two is an entertaining age
"Uncle Chris you have diarrhea on your shirt".
"Mom I want to bonk you on the Love Sac".
"I will be right back, I'm going to check my email".
Drinking games
Our friend J has a home breathalizer that we play with at parties, checking to see what we blow after a drink or two. I think there needs to be a home lie detector... think of the fun that could be had with that at a party!