Have I mentioned that my two year old son can spell?
When I was recently caught saying shit by Finn... he responded with...
"Don't say S-H-I-T mom, say shoot."
Drunken manipulations of ones physical being...
Sometimes you cannot help the fact that you are just too drunk to make rational decisions. Two such occasions- a bout with hair clippers, two strangers picked up off the street, and green hair dye. A drunken aspiring tattoo artist... enough said.
Wise beyond his years
Finn proudly displayed his newest Mr. Potato Head creation with a smile...
Me- Wow look at all those tongues.
Finn- Like it?
Me- Yes I do, Mrs. Potato Head is one lucky lady.
Finn- Yeah she is.
spam
During High School one of my weekly assignments was to write three separate journal entries each week. These were then "read" by a teacher and you were graded on... not sure... sincerity of your entry I guess.
I realized early on that the comments written next to the words I poured from my heart just didn't make much sense... There is no way one teacher can read three pages of teen angst from each student in their class, so they tended to just comment randomly.
And now, once again I look at the comments I receive. I am pretty sure all the comments for enlarging my penis, getting a home loan, huge lactating tits and live fucking dogs have to be from those teachers.
A couple stories I am keeping in my back pocket for when Finn is a teenager
Running around house naked-
Playing with his kitchen he stops and looks at a plastic French fry... bends his knees and tries to put it up his butt.
Sitting on his potty-
"Are you going potty?" I ask.
"No, I'm sitting here playing with my penis." he replies.
we all have secrets
Love this idea. I am thinking I should send in a card. You have a secret? Come on... you can tell me.
You know those things that happen that make you laugh so hard you cry or almost piss your pants, but you had to be there to get the joke? Yeah, here are a couple of those times...
Skip the Tire Man-
Late at night after going on a beer run with Jim, (where we were very drunk or something) we noticed a man walking with a tire. He walked down the street to his car where he proceeded to put his tire in the trunk and repeatedly slam the trunk shut... The trunk would not close. This was very funny.
Pet Metro-
I was working at a pet store that was bought out by a large chain. I had already worked an 8 hour shift and was staying to work overtime to help change the store over to the new and improved corporate look. On my 13th straight hour of working, nearing two in the morning, Kelly and I were watching a hamster run on its wheel. It would run, get its foot stuck in the wheel, flip upside down a couple times, shake it off and start all over again. He did this for no less than 10 minutes...