Thanksgiving.
He was a big goofy guy that carried a huge computer to school to take notes, before it was a cool thing to do. His name matched his awkwardness, funny and bumbling. From my first intimidating day in high school he fancied me. I was asked to every dance and sent flowers regularly. He was a very nice guy, I just didn’t want to date him… and in typical high school fashion I was told regularly how lame I was because he liked me. Apparently being liked by a big geek named Norman doesn’t give you any cool points.
After a year of wooing including gifts, cards, and flowers I told him I would go on a date. The least I can do I figured after a leather jacket, radar detector, and multiple offers to learn to drive his truck. I prepared myself for the date… the date that I never wanted to go on… the date with a guy I liked only as a friend, which I made extremely clear from the beginning.
Although I cannot remember where we ate dinner I vividly remember the movie we saw. We watched Christian Slater on the big screen in Pump Up The Volume. The movie was great… he was nothing less than a gentleman. Following the movie we stopped at Tower Records where he bought me the soundtrack, a tape I still have in a box to this day. After multiple attempts at winning a huge stuffed Doberman he slipped the guy a fifty and handed me the stuffed animal I fell in love with.
Years later, standing with Jere at a movie theatre waiting to enter, greasy popcorn fingers and all, a man approached me…
“Remember me?” he asked.
Of course I still remember you.
I wish I would have told you before… I had one of the best dates of my life with you, thank you.
Memories.
I was 16 years old when I started working at McDonalds. During summer time I worked until close, making a whole $5 an hour. The owner hired me, because he liked my enthusiasm... translating to- he liked the fact that I was skinny and had long dark hair, which apparently was the uniform for the young girls he hired.
I made friends easily and started to date T. He had recently graduated from a private high school and couldn't figure out what it was he wanted to do with himself... some how that brought him to McDonalds working the same hours I did. He quickly moved up the ranks and became a manager, which is what happens when you are reasonably smart and willing to work crappy hours.
We had been dating for a few months when the town whore started to come in to order food. She was well know, willing to spread her legs for anyone, already having three abortions under her belt at the age of 16. OK so you think you know where this is going right? Did I mention yet that T, my boyfriend, had promised himself he wouldn't have sex until he was married? So why on earth would I have to ever worry about him messing around right? Never, I mean never trust a guy who says he wants to save himself... what the hell.
Late one night T still hadn't come into work. He had been acting up for weeks. At work he started to drink and smoke... with me just being an ass in general. I was behind the counter when he finally showed up. It was dark out already and he was wearing his work uniform... with a huge hickey on his neck. Now this is where is gets really fun. He throws out this story about how he picked up a hitchhiker (no really he said this) and that she proceeded to thank him by chewing on his neck. Needless to say I was beginning to get angry. After about 5 minutes of this bull he let me know that he had impregnated town whore, not once, but twice. The next few moments happened in slow motion. I jumped over the counter grabbed him (as he hysterically laughed like an asshole) and punched him with all my might. I was pulled off by another manager and taken back into the lunchroom to calm down. I did eventually calm down, and T eventually returned that evening to work, huge black eye and all. Never have I felt that physical violence was so needed, and he deserved every inch of his humiliation.
I looked up his name a year or so ago on Classmates.com. He married his high school sweetheart (who he broke up with to date me) and they have two kids. I wonder if she knows anything about those years before he got back together with her. The town whore, having his ass kicked by a girl, and the months he spent stalking me.
Co-Worker Quotes Part Two
"I think that green placenta there matches your eyes really well."
"I think you need to buy a meconium colored minivan."
Dreaming...
I was walking thru a park taking pictures with my camera phone. A baby rhino ran up to me, distraught because it was lost. I calmed him down and took him home. Once I got home I called A and told her of my find. She seemed relatively impressed... although concerned that her tiger would not be able to play with my rhino... her tiger? She had a tiger in her backyard she had raised since it was a cub... she just forgot to tell me.
Now come on, who would forget to mention they had a tiger.
Memories.
A couple years ago one of the Doctors I worked with asked me if I would pop a zit on the back of his neck. Yes... he was serious. In case you were curious it was an ingrown hair, a long dark ingrown hair. I think I may be sick now.
Bad Girls and Boys
Have you ever done something that made you feel so guilty that you couldn't breath? Sitting there thinking what you have done is so bad you don't know how you could possibly go on. And then you grow up... years later you look back at that little sin and you have to laugh... if you only knew as a child how much more naughty you would be as an adult.
Recent quotes from co-workers.
"Wow that was a good looking funeral director. Did you see her canines? She had really long pointy canines she must be a vampire. Do you think she bites? I hope she bites."
"Just checking in to see what placentas I have to gross in. You know, those beautiful thick pieces of meat dripping with woman juices".
Why I love eating in the hospital cafeteria.
Watching a table full of trailer trash eating their lunch. The youngest girl (about 19 yrs old) is wearing all red. Red seat pants, red sweat shirt, red tennis shoes all at least two sizes too big. She is eating a plain chicken burger sitting at the edge of her seat with her legs spread so far apart, obviously announcing the fact she just finished filming her serial mounting debut of "Trailer Trash Ho Gang-Bang Part 23". Her toothless family with her do not seem to notice the fact that she looses half of what's in her mouth because of her non-stop talking about "that bitch that done stuck my arm harded I don't like her none at all".
My first 10 Mintutes in the Hospital this Morning
As I walk to the tearoom I keep hearing... "Miss. Miss. Hey Miss". Finally I decide to turn around. A freak with horrid teeth asks where I "got my necklace". (Meaning my Pathology Lanyard with my work ID on it). I try to tell him I got it from work, that we no longer have any, and no I will not give him one, although he keeps begging saying he goes to the U and he wants one, can't he have one? Yeah, OK, that's nice.
After I have tea in hand I walk past the gift shop where I hear rapid knocking on the window. I look over, and a man is waving at me... and then he throws a sticky ball that hits the glass and slowly rolls down the window. (Of course he is laughing hysterically).
I think today must be crazy people clinic day. I won't even begin to tell you what clinic was yesterday... can't say I am never entertained at work.