Dear Aimée
For the past week I have been trying to find the proper words to describe what an incredible experience the birth of your son was for me. It means so much to have been included in such a significant event. Simply put, you will be a great mother. You are by far one of the strongest people I know; I am lucky to have you as a best friend.
I could have died!
No exaggeration at all here... On my way to work this morning I saw what could have been a very serious accident. Getting on the freeway there was a white Subaru Station wagon that nearly ran me off the road; she was behind me and was obviously in a hurry to get somewhere. I merge onto the freeway and make my way over to the carpool lane. I am happily on my way to work cruising around 65mph. She comes flying up behind me, decides that I am going to slow (car in front of me makes it impossible to speed up even if I wanted to), and QUICKLY moves over three lanes to the right. She tries to then jockey for a position in front of a VW Bug on her left, however that driver decides he will not let her in... accelerating his VW Bug... the Subaru loses control. I lost count after she spun around 4 times (note this is all at 70+mph). She spins out across rush hour traffic- three lanes, multiple cars, in front of me and one other car, hits a big orange construction barrier that is then thrown into traffic. My antilock brakes (thank god!) kick in and I slow down in time. She is now on the far left shoulder. She did not hit a single car. She did not hit the cement median. No one else lost control. Everyone is in one piece. How the hell is this even possible? I pull over with the other woman who nearly got killed by her. The driver is a bit shaky... blaming the VW for her scary misfortune. I didn't say a word. The woman is crazy, I know that if I were to have told her she was driving like a mad woman, that she deserved it, she would have bitch slapped me. Her child is OK in the back... actually smiling. Yes she was driving crazy with a kid in the back. Women drivers can be insane, what kills me is that she honestly thinks that the VW driver was completely at fault, that her erratic driving was irrelevant. She gets more mad... says she has to hurry to her sisters house, that she doesn't have time for this. Maybe if she doesn't have time for car accidents she shouldn't cause them.
It's not a Fuck'in Monkey
The zoo is a wonderful place, a place to learn about the world and the animals in it. Too bad the average person at the zoo on Sunday seemed to have an I.Q. below 70. A few things we heard others say... not kids mind you, but adults.
Look at those monkeys... (Actually looking at Lemurs)
Look at those big monkeys... (Actually looking at Orangutans)
Look at those really big monkeys... (Actually looking at Gorillas)
Look at the beaver... (Actually looking at an Otter)
Ya know, Raven is a much fancier name than crow... (Looking at a Raven)
Wow look at that black bear... (Looking at a brown Bear)
Maybe I can forgive the monkey comments... but a Beaver has a very large flat tail and looks nothing like an Otter. The poor Bear has the same name as his color, idiot proof you would think. After this outing I have decided that Finn will not only learn the proper names of all the animals at the zoo, he will learn their Latin names. Time for a zoo membership, must educate the child.
Poo take 2
New and Improved Huggies triple action leak guard shaped like your baby... MY ASS! You are better at sending poo out of the dipaer than keeping it in.
Suburbia
We have learned a valuable lesson... we are not Suburbanites. We have tried for the past 5 years. The commute has finally taken its toll, robbing hours I could be spending with Jere and Finn. We have made every attempt to make it work; it just isn't us. We are ready. Ready for culture. Ready for diversity. Ready for happiness. Sorry suburbia... you can keep your cookie cutter houses, strip malls, and terrible restaurants. We are moving back to the city where we belong.
Poo
Saturday evening we were heading home on the ferry. Singing to the music, enjoying the relaxing time together as a family. We smelled a little stink from the back seat...
"I'll take him up and change him," Jere tells me as he steps out of the car. "Ah, Jess... can you come back here?"
I walk around the car to look thru the window and what do I see? Poo. Lots of Poo. Poo that ate New York, Boston, L.A... Yellow poo the consistency of cottage cheese. The diaper did not contain one fifth of the poo. There was a puddle, Finn playing with it, hair, hands, and face, all over his clothes, everywhere poo. OH MY GOD THE POO!
We proceed to wipe child and seat with the last six baby wipes. Yes I said six. That would be six to clean a puddle, hair, hands, face, and the butt that created all the poo. What is to be learned from this event? There can never be enough baby wipes in the car. Hundreds, if not thousands would be too few.
Mmmm tastes like chicken.
Finnagen is learning how to feed himself. Cheerios, bananas, other tasty treats all go into the mouth and get gummed/chewed up. Lately however, he has shown an interest in eating family members. He does not discriminate... human, canine, feline are all fair game. He usually will just jump on his chosen victim and start to gnaw, another method-pull the skin/hair/fur/tail as hard as possible and place acquired bits into mouth. I have tried to explain to him that we do not eat family members, nor do we get sausage from pig farms in Canada.